How Did NaNoWriMo Work for You?

by Heather Doyle Fraser

November was National Novel Writing Month. I hear people start to talk about this in late October, “November is National Novel Writing Month! I’m going to do it this year! I’m going to write my book in November!”

Let’s be clear about something from the outset, here. I think NaNoWriMo is awesome. I think it inspires people to think big and imagine a world where they are writing daily and that vision seems exciting and sexy, and also a little scary. And if you sign up for NaNoWriMo on their website — if you look around a little before November 1 — you will see that the good people who birthed this idea intend a few things:

1. Your planning of the novel needs to begin before November 1. In order to start tracking those words on November 1, you need to have created an outline and backstory for your characters BEFORE then. They have a timeline (and even that appears to be a little aggressive to me) that suggests you begin the process of outlining and character development in September.

2. You will write the first 50,000 words of your novel in November. That doesn’t mean you complete the writing of your book. That means you write the first draft of the first 50,000 words of your novel. This is a first draft of a portion of your novel — not a completed manuscript by the end of the month. (Average length of debut fiction novels is 75,000-90,000 words.) 

Let’s do the math on this. If you are writing the first 50,000 words of your novel in the month of November and you start on November 1, that gives you 30 days. This means you are writing about 1665-1670 words every single day of the month. No days off. No exceptions made for, “I’m feeling uninspired and really quite cranky today.” No exceptions for, “I had a client crisis at the office this week and had to put in a couple of really long days at work.” No exceptions for, “I got a terrible cold and didn’t sleep well for a week.” No exceptions for, “My child is sick and I needed to rearrange my entire schedule to take care of them.”

No exceptions.

Unless you decide to take one or two days off each week at the outset. Then you have shortened your writing time. Let’s imagine that you allow yourself to take 6 days off of writing. That means on your 24 writing days you need to write 2,084 words in each writing session. 

More pressure. That’s awesome for setting the stage for creativity and inspiration!

Let’s assume you started ahead of November 1 and you do have an outline and you have created a little backstory on the character development front. Let’s also assume, though, that you didn’t spend as much time on these parts of the process as you would have liked so you are feeling a little uncertain. And, let’s also assume that this is a new endeavor for you so you have not cultivated a consistent writing practice that has become a habit for you. 

If you do not have a daily writing practice in place when you begin, your goal of writing 50,000 words of your novel in 30 days is going to be VERY difficult to achieve. This kind of writing requires practice, consistency, diligence, and a whole lot of self-compassion. Writing nearly 2000 words a day for 30 days takes high-level training! It requires you to set up your life to support your writing habit. 

What does this mean? 

Most people who want to write a book are not full-time writers. They have jobs, families, partners, and responsibilities that require their attention. So, they need to make space for writing like they make space for any truly important and value-based endeavor. They have to account for the time and plan for it, like you would plan to workout or exercise. 

For example, let’s pretend you decide you should write your 2000 words first thing in the morning before work. if you are writing before work in the morning, you would need to make sure that everything is set the night before -- you have to be able to get to bed at a consistent and reasonable time to get up at a presumably unreasonable time to devote yourself to the writing practice before the rest of your responsibilities take center stage (work, adulting, etc.).

The thing people forget when they declare their intention to write a book in a month is that you need to train in order to be able to write nearly 2000 words a day. In order to write this many words consistently per day, you need to have been working up to that number. Your very first writing sessions shouldn’t even have a word count expectation associated with them in my opinion. At the beginning, time alone is your goal. You may not be able to guarantee a number of words at the beginning but you can control how long you sit in front of your laptop.

Just like exercise, this writing journey is a hard one when you feel alone. Even though writing is a solitary endeavor, though, you don’t need to feel alone. And writing in the same space with someone, having compassionate support, and accountability partners all makes this difficult task of writing easier. Doable. And that’s where NaNoWriMo gets it right – all of these people all over the world are engaged in the same challenging activity.

I would like to set the stage though for a more compassionate approach. First off, whether you are writing a non-fiction book (my specialty) or a novel, you need to spend the time upfront on the WHY, the WHO you need to be to write it and WHO you are writing to, the WHAT (hello book plan!), the HOW (What do you need to clear from your schedule? What decisions do you need to make upfront?) and the WHEN. Then you need to get into training mode – consistency is key!

Daily writing practice (or nearly daily) is not only what will help you finish your book, it will also help you to cultivate a deeper relationship with yourself and your writing. It’s pure gold.

So, if you didn’t finish your book in November, no worries! You didn’t have all the information upfront. You weren’t ready. Let’s take it slow and commit to 20 minutes per day, shall we? And if that sounds like too much for day 1, let’s commit to 15 minutes. In a week, you’ll be able to up the time a little just like you up your reps in the gym. 

You can do this… If you want it. If you want to put in the time, day after day, over and over again. Let’s train together. Not for the sprint of one month, but for the long haul. Start now so when November 2022 comes around, you will be in the homestretch rather than behind before you even begin.

If you are looking for a safe place to practice, come join us at The Writing Practice. Learn more at https://mailchi.mp/cmcollab/the-writing-practice.

Why I start with WHY

by Heather Doyle Fraser

Your WHY holds your power.

It is your catalyst and

Your sustaining force.

When it comes to writing a book, I have noticed for myself and my clients, once the decision has been made to write a book we just want to get to the writing. And, that makes sense. It’s a huge undertaking and a decision that isn’t made on the flip of a coin — heads I write a book and tails I eat some ice cream. 

So much thought goes into the mere decision to write a book before any writing even begins. The idea comes first as a whisper, “maybe I could write a book...” and then sits in the back of the mind and in your heart for years without any apparent action taken. It comes up again and again a little louder, and a little louder until the idea of the book is louder than the resistance to the idea of writing it. And once that decision is made to finally take action, people want to sprint.

Writing a book isn’t a sprint, though. It’s a process that deserves care, thoughtfulness, and thoroughness.

When we are basking in the glow of that monumental decision to pour ourselves into writing a book, we may forget that our WHY holds power. Our WHY is both our catalyst and our sustaining force. Fully exploring this WHY leads to an emotional connection and a commitment to the book and the process of writing it. And it provides an anchor and touchstone for us, should we lose our way in the process.

So what does it mean to fully explore your WHY when writing a book? After all, when I first start talking to writers about the importance of WHY, I often receive a shrug, an eye roll, or a look that says, “Oh — I know what my why is. We don’t need to spend time on that.”

But we do.

We need to spend significant time on it, until you can think it, feel it, and speak it with ease and with a level of comfort that only comes from examining all of the folds in the fabric of the cozy blanket that cuddles you on a winter day. And when you become that comfortable, you are also creating a powerful connection -- an emotional connection that can’t be broken or ignored easily. That’s the secret right there.

When I dive in with my clients on WHY this book on their heart is so important, WHY their voice needs to be shared at this particular moment, with this particular message, we are creating clarity and also the opportunity for success for the future. I ask the writers with whom I work to reflect on their WHY and explore it fully and thoughtfully. We talk about it at length, and then I ask them to write about it. I take this three-fold approach because with each new imagining and uttering, more clarity and connection comes. 

When they finally write about their WHY they are clear and vulnerable, logical and emotional. They are whole and complete with the idea of their WHY, and then when they push save on that document, something akin to magic happens. They secure a message for their future-selves that is full of hope and understanding and fierce compassion and power. This is the gift for that future-self that will eventually struggle with some part of the writing process. So when I talk about layering self-compassion into the writing process, this is how we start. This is what one aspect of self-compassion looks like in the beginning stages of the book writing process. Giving your future self a lovely gift, said in exactly right words to meet your needs should you lose your way and doubt your resolve.

When you see in your own words WHY you are doing something, you remember not only the WHY, but you remember the emotion and connection you have to the project — even if you aren’t feeling it in that moment. You realize that at one point you were so incredibly clear and strong in your idea and your vision -- you wrote and believed all of those words, no one else. So, if you wrote and believed them once, you can believe as you once did. You can connect with yourself and your voice. You can feel the connection waiting to be nurtured. You can start — not over, but again. 

You can use the love, power, and surety within that document of WHY to propel you forward into the unknown.

And let’s be honest: The way forward is unknown — even with the most brilliant plan, it is still unknown. But… there are some things that ARE known and felt deeply and in this case those two things are your WHY and your voice. Your voice is particularly poised and ready to communicate your WHY because you know it so well. With that knowledge, you can rest in the power of your pen. 

If the idea of starting with WHY as you begin on your book writing journey appeals to  you, if you are ready to dispel the myth of the tortured writer as I am, join me for my six-week course starting on October 6, Writing Your Book: A Step-by-step Compassionate Approach that Starts and Ends with Your Voice.

Words = Meaning + Intention

by Heather Doyle Fraser

As I’ve been enjoying the haiku lately, here’s one to start us off:

Words are important—

Their meanings and intentions.

I will uphold them.

A few weeks ago, I set up a meeting with someone who specializes in marketing authors, particularly those who self-publish. I sent an email asking for a conversation because I was curious about what he does and how he does it. We work with the same people and I thought perhaps we might have some common ground and maybe it would be fertile for a collaboration of some kind. I was excited at the prospect because collaborating with like-minded people is one of my favorite things… right up there with raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles, and warm woolen mittens!

In my email, I gave him insight into my background and experience in both publishing and coaching, and I also filled him in on what drives me and how I infuse compassion into my work with my clients. I was thoughtful with my words, and I crafted that email with clear intentions and explicit language regarding the possibility of collaborating together.

Fast forward a few days and we have a call lined up. We jump on, and I can sense from the first few minutes that this isn’t going to be the collaborative call I had envisioned. He was selling to me, not interested in collaborating with me. He asked me about the books I have written, and I showed him copies (we were on a video call) and briefly described each one. I also told him about the work I do with my clients and what they write about for the most part. I shared my screen to show him my website. He saw the word compassion and presumably heard me talking about it. Then, he had an aha moment, “Really what we do is compassionate marketing!”

I will admit, I was intrigued.

“Tell me more about that,” I entreated.

He proceeded to describe funnel marketing. I was trying to figure out where the compassionate part came in, and then he said it, “We create these quizzes that really highlight their pain. Then we send them emails that are targeted to that pain, which of course leads them to all of the products -- and that’s where we up-sell them.”

Hmmm… compassionate marketing… Do you know the meaning of the word COMPASSION?

At that moment, all things stopped for me. I heard the metaphorical record scratch and the music of this dance we were engaged in abruptly stopped. You see, I am operating under the following definition of compassion:

“A standard definition of compassion is, a sensitivity to the suffering in self and others with a commitment to try to alleviate and prevent it." 

~ Dr. Paul Gilbert, founder of Compassion Focused Therapy

What this person was describing was not compassion. Not by a very long shot. Compassion is fierce and requires the motivation and commitment to help alleviate or prevent someone’s suffering. As he talked, his motivation was clearly not this. His intention was not this. He wanted to exploit—not alleviate—pain to build lists and sell products.

And let’s be clear— I know everyone has a job to do, and each job is different. But let’s not use a word—ignoring its meaning—in order to manipulate. He knew the word compassion was important to me, so he grabbed it and appropriated it, hoping that I would in turn grab at the chance to work and collaborate with someone else who talked about compassion.

Nope.

I don’t know what compassionate marketing is— if there is such a thing— or what it looks like, but I know that it isn’t the picture that this person painted for me. I’m willing to keep looking for someone who can help me find that. 

I’m building a network of people who know the meaning of compassion and it is at the core of what and how they do everything. It’s layered into their essence and being. I don’t want to collaborate with someone who is exploiting and up-selling people’s pain. When I engage with someone it will be to create something wonderful in their lives. And if that something is a book, the process of writing will be intentional. It will build on their strengths and joy. And while I hold space for those strengths and that joy, I will also tenderly hold space for their suffering and their challenges. We will bring them in together to create meaningful beauty.

I want everyone who comes to the Compassionate Mind Collaborative to know that no matter who they engage with, they will be met with compassion, caring, and commitment. And that’s why I won’t be collaborating with people who don’t hold these same values. There’s too much of that in the world and I am drawing a line in the sand.

Intention and meaning are important. They make a difference when speaking. They make a difference in writing. They are worth fighting for in my eyes because they define who we are and how we operate in this life.